Dancing Blues

Roses are red

Violets are blue 

I have one left foot 

You have two 

Even if we occasionally stumble and trip 

It's always a glee to dance with you 

Whether a waltz or a swinging jive 

Even just a simple step will do 

Since we both agree we neither can dance 

It's not our dancing blues 

Your color is light red 

Mine is sky blue 

And just to make it clear

I love dancing with you 

I Don’t Remember

I don’t remember waking up

I don’t remember falling asleep

I don’t remember confining bathroom passes

Overcomplicated locker combinations

Nor sleep and knowledge deprivation 

The final project a distant memory

My extra homework left unfinished 

Winter break silently shuffling through

Easter sneaking past

My birthday left in a delusional past

What happened to me?

Where I ran off my schedule like it was coffee

And did homework like it pot and weed

Getting high off essays and short answers

Endless nights being away from my melancholy memory

A daily regiment of asserting a learning pain

Tears cutting my throat and drowning my notes

A year pasted, not an inch grown

And I don’t remember it

Vibrato your finger up in second position A

Use more evidence for your synthesis essay

Titrate the pink solution slowly

The hypothalamus a key for memory

The doctor is ready to see you

My medication isn't stealing my memory is it?

I can’t remember if I even had medication

Blurred tears behind stained glass

Smeared math problems over taking the walls

Lost voices echoing the halls

What am I doing?

I can't remember…

I can’t remember the first day nor my last

I can't remember a thing 

I can’t remember singing for my audition

Or scouring the library for a comp clue

I don’t remember struggling at lunch to eat in front of strangers

Or passing out in a back room

I don’t remember screaming and crying in the bathroom

Or from being told by that boy in my class that “no one cares what you say”

I don’t remember the talent show I poetically performed in 

Nor the art show I hosted

Being on the princals list for the 7th time in a row

Or praying each winter night, let it snow

I don’t remember going to my counselor and asking for help

Nor going to my friend's door at 2 am Banging down the shutter yelling

Don’t kill yourself

I can’t remember  the week before prom 

Where it dawned on me that I still had acne

Or giving my speech to be media coordinator for honor Society

I don’t remember my AP tests

Leaving me without food or guided rest

I don’t remember getting my poetry published

Or my religious benefactor reestablished

I don’t remember my first poetry slam 

Where my man asked me on a date

That big night, where all my fright disappeared 

I don’t remember 

And I don’t understand

Ive read my poetry diary 3 times over

Once for rhyming

Twice for Diction

And thrice for metaphors

And I don’t understand

I don't understand how I passed AP chemistry

I don’t understand the words the hospital said to me

I don't understand why people keeping looking at me

Can you see the anxiety?

Can you see my lost memories?

Maybe they left my head to statin tattoos on my skin

Maybe all the times I tried to be an angle I sinned

Maybe I’m just Paris in Romeo and Juliet

The conceited fool who only considered himself

Maybe i'm like theophilus North

Running away from home to find another but getting lost all over again

Maybe I’m not such a fair lady as Eliza Doolittle 

Because I change for other people to like me more, but I doesn’t help my life unlike her 

I don’t remember solemn songs for seniors

Or pep talk for freshmen

Where a simple hello or goodbye everyday

To every face meant something 

But not anymore

I'm so sorry

I see your face

And I feel your smile

And I hear your voice call my name

But I don’t remember

Are you the only person who stood at my orchestra concert

Or that kid in line that helped me make slime

Were you at mass with my sister during communion 

Maybe at my national honor society inauguration

Either way I don’t remember

Instagram and Calendars documenting my life for the past year

Baby sitting a dog named taco because the owners got evicted

Being nominated for homecoming court with dickhead

A post apocalyptic disney princess for halloween

Feeling restless in between the day and night of christmas eve

Visiting colleges across the state

Having my grammy come from across the nation

Buying my gecko coral and keeping him warm when our heater went out for a week

Asking someone out even when I was meak 

Knitting hats for homeless children in winter

Visiting my sister grave, I miss her

Why can’t I remember what has happened

Or has nothing happened and I’m just sleeping

Have I not changed nor matured at all

Have I only just begun my fall

My head screaming, finger peeling

Am I rotting away without a sense of time

My memory dulled from the once divine

I can’t separate this minute from the last

I'm living in the now

But forgetting my past

I don’t remember what I did

Nor do I remember where I went

I don’t remember who I was

Please forgive me 

Last Hope

Why do I keep crying?
The tears blurring the lines

My car swerving into other lanes

Triggering incidental crashes

Lights of my life snuffing out like birthday candles

Blown adrift by salty sea foam

The salty statements and saliva on my lips

Soaking my ripped jean heels

Unneeded, unwanted heels of bread

Tossed to the birds to peck apart

The vultures tearing at my insides

Pulling my heartstrings

Tight sorrowful violin strings

Taped strings of a crime scene

Suicide, 3:33 a.m.

Suffocation of the shadows  

They dance in the corners of her room

Darkness drowning her in mascara stains

Fountain pen ink swelling upon skin

Cascading screams of pain whispering “Help me”

The cigarette a fire starter in my house of cards

Of proudly cheating kings, loyal queens, and hearts

Spades uprooting clovers and dirt

An open box burial

Champagne splintered with wooded corners

A “good luck” cast away

My coffin within the swirling typhoon

A ship in a bottle, a water twister infested with sea creatures

Leeches latching to steal the last rose petal nectar

Vertigo and nausea rocking timid lullabies

As my cradle crashes down

My blanket, yesterday's newspaper

My diploma spent years on getting a signature

Lines of essays, choices, questions and microscopes

Organism placed on smooth glass slides

Wriggling worms, pestering parasites, and me

Translucent, see through

Needles proding my life

Experiment, therapy, medication

The blue colorless floor of the confidential room

Motivations listing the walls like a kindergarten play room

“SMILE”, “You can do it”, “Believe in yourself”

Demanding so much from me

Carpet crawling under the worn leather couch

Cracked with crying butts and weeping truths

The seams breaking

A needle splitting the future

Sewing my teeth shut at the jaw

Sleeves strapped of a straight jacket

Used t-shirts too close to choking me

Generic and structured

Like stained glass emporiums of worship

Tilted, a leaning tower of pisa

Leaned on for pictures of faded memories

Forgotten like take out pizza from 3 days ago

A memory where you know you visited

But you don’t remember my name

Cathedral of the Italian city

Roof top of a poetry sanctuary

A place for moaning and weeping

Nocturnal ink doesn't fade or smear

The pages up in fire of a burning tongue

Smoke in my breath from burning yesterday’s dreams

How many do I have left?

I’m running on empty

My car stalling in the turn lane

Car house collapsing

Melody and harmony strings snapping

Mind cold

Skin starving

Lost in some mind way alley

My last hope is in your snaps3

The stings of salvation in your fingertips

Please don’t let me go

Don’t let me drift

Don’t let me die

Don’t let me commit suicide