Crush

I hate it when you have a crush

On someone you know 

Especially when they are ever so close

You can't hint 

Or make a sound

Even when they walk right by and your heart hits the ground 

You stare and listen 

Hoping for them to notice 

Though you know it's almost hopeless 

The musical melody in their voice 

A universe of wonder held in their eyes 

A gentle fire of warmth encircling their body 

As hands move to create, to question, to speak 

Of the unspeakable, the unthinkable 

Oh how you are so unbelievable 

I hate it when I have my crush

Stuck only In my dreams

For if it was in reality 

It would give my heart immortality

L.O.V.E.

L. O. V. E. Love

Lust of virgin ecstasy 

That's where it all begins 

As the tormenting memories in my heart still ring 

What starts as simple play

Metamorphosises into an endless war everyday 

You place so must trust in one person 

Because you believe your life was much worse than 

The time before you had met 

And soon enough your heart was sent 

They twist your mind into hope

Your daydreams whispering, you should elope 

But now they force you to smile 

Just seeing their face brings up bile 

Your petty children games

Using me to gain your fame 

Ruling over your own kingdom 

And then playing dictator to my Sindom 

You form an alley, then you fall out

Stringing up your people all about 

Noosed, pained hanged from the trees 

The smell of smoke suffocating the breeze 

Over time my small country has cracked 

With every thought poor and living in shacks 

My people enslaved, burned, and slaughter 

My heart was not something for you to barter 

What was I? A piece of meat for you to butcher? 

Something to neglect and never nurture 

An empty bank for you to act on theft 

Leaving me with nothing left 

Going through love so many times is hell

Always on my emotions I dwell

Because by now I should have learned that I I don't need a man to make me strong

Or just to make me feel like I belong 

Trust me I've seen a lot of love and felt it

The first a quiet type who ends up being gay 

The one that takes your heart but beats your body every other day 

We got the show off sore loser sporty kinda boy

Then the one that does parkour but can't remember your name 

The emo one that stalks for year after you are gone 

And the older one who is juvie, I wasn't with him for long 

Then we got the one who who swept me off my feet

Then acted like a dick and dropped me in a trash heap 

But now I'm with a musical artist and it really is divine

But though my heart is shared over all it is mine 

I'll admit it though, it really wears down your heart 

It cracks and splits and stretches apart 

After so many battles and wars 

It's them I keep falling for 

But don't get me wrong 

love is great 

Love is smashing

Love is amazing 

Love it *wink* banging 

But you see the problem is with society 

There is never a true heroine of her own story

That rises to where she is 

Without romance or love

Without a perfect male model body behind her

I want a movie or a story about a girl 

Which is strong on her own without a man even present

I need this story 

I have had love lives in the past 

And a grand one in the current state 

But people think I am only as strong as my counterpart 

Because we are raised to be weak

Well let me tell you

I am strong 

I can sweep my man off his feet 

6 pack on coming 

3 inch bicep deep and strong legs for running 

Because I am as strong as I make myself 

I won't follow the definition of strength as the strength of the men around me 

Because I am strong     

And so is love 

But we are both strong independently 

And stronger when we we are together 

But we are not defined by the strength of each other 

You have to figure out love yourself 

It maybe be hard but don't let your heart sit on a shelf 

It needs to be buffered and used and seen 

With such a broken gleam 

So that only the one that truly cares 

Would even dare

And reach inside your chest and stitch up your battle scars 

And still leave you seeing stars 

I'm not sorry that it feels so good 

Yet hurts so bad 

Because love, l. O. V. E. Love, 

Is longing of virtually everyone 

Tiny Wonders

Snowflakes lacing the frills of my scarf and the tips of my gloves
Though it's the cold I hate, it's the snow I love
So intricate and delicate
I'm always in awe whenever snow and I met

A mini choreographed wonder
When each one wanderers
Catching on the brisk and chilly wind
Each dancing twirling, and waltzing with its kin

It so stunning how each is so individual
Each tiny part coming together to make a perfect visual
An image of white purity
Where all the wonders are show to me with clarity

A tiny image of perfect architecture
Made up as a gleaming ice structure
A tiny 7 billion wonders of the world
A mosaic of water crystals all swirled

A piece of art
Sent forth by the heart
Of Mother Earth and her creations
For the freezing beauties she makes causes a sensation

From afar they look soft and fragile a piece

But up close is when you get to meet the real Beauty
Of strength and graceful intricacy
Where you have to take the time and effort to look at the truth
For it lasts just a couple seconds in its youth

And melts

The light softly glints
The coolness hanging in my nose like mint
My breath billowing out like sweet clouds
Where everything here is a quiet loud

Everything stilled by the chill
Slowly shuffling forward by the force of their will
Every sound muffled by the snow
And the gentle symphony of the wind a blow

Everyone passes by as a shadow on the sleet
No one bends down or stops to meet
The fantastic natural beauty around us
They only acknowledge it as cold dust

But I stand here, soaking my coat and freezing my fingers
The warm breath I had still struggles to linger
I am stuck in awe and frozen in place
I hope this image can never erase

For the beauty of snow is always over looked
An image only represented in books
For I am always curious why
When it comes to meeting snow people are always so shy

Snowflakes lacing the frills of my scarf and the tips of my gloves
Though it's the cold I hate. it's the snow I love
So intricate and delicate
I'm always in awe whenever snow and I met

Visions of the World

My vision of the world
Does not encompass how I feel
Nor how I plan to deal
With this world outside of my own

Where people are people
Nothing more
I long for
A purpose to stand
Not lying on the dying grass
Or timeless sands

I yearn to seek
A place for my mind
For I
Am not
Just a person
I long  
To be
A magical being

People are people
So I am just me
I long to be more
That what people bargain for

To go farther  
Faster
And steadier too
To make my dreams come true

This version of the world
Does not match my own
For in mine I sit upon my own throne

Counting  the petals that fly in the wind
Waiting for something to begin

Yet I am jolted
As my vision becomes obscured
By the long shadows cast by the world

I long to be myself
With my wings and a crown
To rule over my life
Not always falling to the ground

Yet my world must fade
As it does away
The sheer of my dreams being sold
To reality

For people are people
And I am me
Even if that not who I want to be

Grateful

I am grateful

For my feet that walk down these halls

The click clacks

That echo back

Reassuring me that the silence is dead

Not amplifying and screaming in my head

I am thankful

For those who try to handle

My mangled and decrepit form

From which my insanity was born

As they try to hold me back from the light

As I sit in my bed crying in the middle of the night

I am relieved

When I see how many people believed in me

They used their hands as bandages

They took in all the pain I handed them

For they held me close

As they soothed me to take my calming does

I am glad

For having my fear

The one that keeps me from being so severe

As I reach for a pen instead of a blade

Because I am so very afraid

Of loosing my life, not for myself

But for the sake of everyone else

I am in debt. with those who

Threw themselves onto my fire to prove

That no matter how much I burn them

Or throw them into mayhem

They still love me

Not matter how much of me they see

I am dearly thankful

For those who keep me from thinking

When I am alone too long I have a one way conversation

An argument of agreeance with my reflection

Where the existence I have is too complicated

And the life of the after and the unknown is beaconing  

I am insane and I am broken

With my voice and mind shattered I have spoken

About all that is right in my very wrong world

But with my sense blocked and my vision blurred

I know that is it you holding my hands

Keeping me from scratching my arms pondering absurd plans

But, I would never make it that far

Thanks to who you are

Notes of Black and White Color

Each notes leading to the next
Small melodies that follow each other
Each chord sending the beats into a crescendo

Each chime and pings sending
The air In a drift
Twirling up like a gentle wind
Hanging up each note like clothes on a gentle breeze

Though your mouth is shut
Your fingers speak  
With stamping feet
Down onto the ivory keys

Radiating sounds like light
With all its shades and intensity
We feel and hear and perceive
It as a rainbow of sound

With length of color
Like rainbow ribbons
Braiding itself into my hair
Lightening my world

Adding the illumination to everything around me
With each stroke of your finger
Sends a ray of color
To my blank page

As notes emanate
What our mind create
A cacophony of sound in our brain
All rearranged  

Into an order
To restore
What we are missing
Or what has gone wrong

Because

All can fixed

By the sweet melody

Of a sweet song

Coffee Poetry

The smell of sharp coffee and lingering cigarette smoke fill my nose
A form of nostalgia from only a few minutes ago and yet I'm already melancholy
The bass making the bricks rattle as voices call over top of the beats and chords
The Stars obscured by the dark clouds overhead
Yet they talk, so I listen
Staying in my silence
Because I know I don't belong
They Insist I do, but I just feel like an addition
A piece of fabric poorly stitched to the corner of a quilt
I feel guilty for being here with them and taking their times from each other
So I stand against the brick wall
An expressio menu digging into my back
The cold biting through my tights and into my skin
Making me bleed my worries and assumptions onto my Phone
In the form of this poem
But the voices inside do whisper words I want to listen and not let them feel abandoned
So I question myself
Do I stay at the table and pretend to fit in
Or stand outside and feel like an outsider
The only thing that makes my decision is the chill that claws and rakes into me, raping my body of its warmth
Which I return to the table to get back the warmth