I Love/Loathe Myself

I love myself

The love the way I loathe myself

I agree with you out there in the world and your opinions

Even it was wrong of me to listen

I love myself the way a person loves wearing wet socks all day

I love myself the way people love taking finals in May

I love myself the way people loves scuffing their brand new shoes

I love myself the way people love the audience who give them boos

Snapping head bands as they tie back hair

Getting a foul play even if it was fair

Taking a sip of their soup and finding it cold

Seeing the rings in the tub of growing mold

I love myself the way people love a dying phone battery at school

I love myself the way people love being pushed into a freezing cold pool

I love myself the way people love broken and leaky pens

I love myself the way people feel when they are left alone by their friends

I love myself in the way that I admit I am an annoyance

And though my optimism in life tries to stay buoyant

I usually sink to the bottom

Even if people compliment me and say I am awesome

I brush it away to float back up to the breezes

Looking back at my madness and diseases

You say I am drop dead pretty

I feel you only compliment my appearance out of ugly pity

You say I have a good sense of style

But in truth all my collaboration of color and form are just mild

You say I am hilarious and funny

And yet why do my eyes remain so runny

You say I am cute and childish which is good

But it is just me being in an immature kind of mood

You say I am a perfect height

But you are only extending your hand to my vertical blight

You say I can do anything I put my mind to

But if only you understood how much I knew

You say if I just make myself believe in myself I can do it

But when I try so hard and can't complete the task I throw a fit

Some of these opinions may be fantasized

And the words I heard were twisted and reiterized

Where the bad I hear is truth to me

And the compliments you give are as bad as they can be

And I am sorry because I can't accept your apologies

For we both know it's just me

A one sided conflict which I am fighting myself

Because I don't want you to hurt yourself

I love myself in way that I protect myself from the world

Because if I threw myself out there it would be absurd

It would fall down in chaos and anarchy and sadness

There would not a single lingering of true bliss

I don't mean to sound like I rule the world and am self centered

But I keep myself censored

Because people take my words the wrong way and manipulate them back towards me

When all I want to do is isolate myself and let the world be

Because I would explain what it means to be me
But it's much to confusing you see
Because I've read the dictionary and I can't remember if too many of the words described me
Or if not enough defined me

There I go again all about me me me

I just need to take this key

And lock my mouth and my existence shut

And my own vocal chords I could cut

So everything could stop and slow the people around me

To say goodbye and that I am sorry

For annoying them and taking up their important time

With me and my questions and answers and worthless rhymes

Because I love myself the way you love ticks

The blood sucking parasites that to your skin stick

Staying, even if you keep pulling, remaining like glue

Never able to get rid of them until they have taken their full of you

I am that tick on your heart that you can't and won't get rid of

Even though I'm still confused why many people show me this love

For when I feel worthless and small and like nothing at all

You catch me in your arms as soon as I start to fall

I love myself the way people love poetry

Complicated writing where explanations were never meant to be

Where questions are paired with parallel answers

And with entrancing performance where the reader becomes the actor

I love myself in a complicated way that cannot be expressed

Except through drawings and words which come out depressed

Because I loathe myself in a way I struggle with life

But I love myself in a way that I thrive